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The Wildest Florida Man Headlines We Have Ever Seen

Memes are everywhere these days. Ever since the internet became a worldwide phenomenon, people have used it to poke fun at this, that, and the other. Typically, memes come and go in a matter of weeks, with people only finding things funny for so long. However, some memes have lasting power, and they continue to crack people up years after they started.

One of those memes is Florida Man. This is something that began in 2013 and continues to be funny to this day. It became popular after a spate of strange and hilarious events happened in the state, which were all reported as being caused by “Florida man.” Obviously, this term isn’t used to describe one person, but rather any male who hails from the Sunshine State.

There have been many wild Florida Man stories over the years, and these are undoubtedly some of the very best.

Florida man arrested for attacking McDonald’s employee over not getting a straw

Anyone who’s visited McDonald’s over the last year or so will know that company policy has changed slightly regarding straws. While the fast-food chain still provides these for customers, you now have to ask if you want one. The aim is to cut down on said straws being wasted and hopefully have a small but meaningful impact on the environment. While the intentions might be good, it seems not everyone got the memo about the change.

That’s why one Florida man ended up physically assaulting several employees during a visit to McDonald’s. The assailant got upset when he couldn’t find any straws, then yelled that the new law didn’t exist after employees told him why. Some people just can’t handle change.

Florida Man Attacks Father With Pizza

If there’s one thing that you should never waste, it’s pizza. Few foods on this planet can match up to the doughy goodness of a delicious cheese and tomato or – dare we say – ham and pineapple pizza. Unfortunately, one Florida man doesn’t seem to respect this sacred food, which is why he used it as a weapon against his dad.

A guy in his 30s apparently held his father down and shoved the pizza in his face while he yelled at him. The man’s reason for this food fight? He was upset at his dad for helping birth him. It sounds like these two might need a few sessions of family therapy. They’ve quite clearly got some issues to resolve.

Florida man arrested after argument over cheesesteak

People get into fights over the strangest things sometimes. We can’t quite explain why such silly things set these assailants off, but once they’re angry, there’s no stopping them. One of the more bizarre fights that a person has had was over the type of bun used in a Philly cheesesteak sandwich.

A Florida man reportedly got aggressive while at a flea market in Odessa because the cashier had used a sesame seed bun for his food order. Things got so heated that police had to be called to the scene, with the customer eventually arrested on a misdemeanor charge. He was soon released on $100 bail, though presumably, he wasn’t allowed to go anywhere near the flea market again.

Florida Man Tattoos Black Widow Spider On His Face

They say that if you want to overcome your fears, you should face them head-on. It definitely makes sense, although it’s not the easiest thing to do. It’s all well and good telling someone who’s afraid of heights to go skydiving, but once they’re up there, they’re not going to find it easy to jump down.

One Florida man decided that the best way to deal with arachnophobia was to have a massive black widow tattooed on his face. However, it wasn’t him that was afraid of spiders. No, he did it for everyone else out there who hates arachnids. He wanted to see how people reacted to his new tattoo, although the response he got from others was mixed.

Florida man shoplifts chainsaw by sticking it down his pants

Plenty of people like to try their luck stealing from one store or another. Some of them go for the small stuff like candy, while others try to get away with cell phones or tablets. Occasionally, these crimes are successful, but more often than not, the perpetrators get caught. One person who fell into the latter category was a Florida man in his late 20s.

The guy figured he could make off with a chainsaw of all things, so he stuffed it down his pants and ran for the exit. When one of the employees gave chase, he ditched the chainsaw and disappeared into the woods. However, he returned later for the stolen item and was promptly arrested as a result.

Florida Man’s cat denied entry to strip club

Of all the places you might think to take your cat, a strip club probably isn’t one of them. However, that’s exactly what one Florida man did when he visited such an establishment over in Murdock. We’re not sure why the guy in his 40s decided that it was appropriate to take a cat with him to a strip club. However, it seems he was insistent on going inside with the kitten.

Unfortunately, the club’s owner had other ideas and refused entry to the animal lover. As a result, Florida man called 911, hoping that the police would help. However, all that earned him was jail time for misuse of the emergency calling system, resisting arrest, and several other charges.

Drunk Florida Man Tries to Use Taco as I.D.

How often have you been asked for your ID, only for you to then realize you don’t have it? This is never a great situation to be in because it usually leads to things like being denied entry or drinks. That’s one way to quickly ruin a night out. Unfortunately, if you don’t have your ID around, there’s not much you can do. Well, not unless you’re Florida man.

One guy reportedly tried to use a taco as his ID after passing out at a Taco Bell drive-thru. The man had apparently been drinking steadily before heading to the restaurant, so it’s no wonder he struggled to comply with the cops. Of course, they didn’t see the funny side of the situation.

Florida man attacked by a ‘crazy squirrel’ gone nuts

We live in a world that’s obsessed with selfies. Ever since people developed phones with front-facing cameras, these are the only pictures anyone seems to take anymore. Unfortunately for this Florida man, it appears he took one selfie too many. The guy encountered a squirrel while on a walk in Tampa, and he decided to try and snap a picture with the creature.

He figured there was no harm in getting close to the animal, although it seems they disagreed. The squirrel swiftly jumped on the photographer and climbed all over his body, crawling under his shirt and hanging off his back. The Florida man was lucky not to need a rabies shot as he walked home with his tail between his legs.

Florida man steals ambulance after being released from hospital

No-one wants to sit around waiting when they need medical assistance. Unfortunately, doctors and nurses can only deal with so many people at a time, which means if they have their hands full, you have to be patient. That’s easier said than done when you’re in pain or a bad state of mind. One Florida man certainly wasn’t in the mood to wait when he was taken to hospital in The Villages.

Officers had arrived at the guy’s house after reports that he was thinking of taking his own life. The cops then took him to the hospital but were stunned when, after two hours of waiting, he stole an ambulance and drove it home. He was later found and arrested.

A Florida man was rescued after trying to ride a hamster ball to Bermuda

We’ve heard of people wanting to swim across oceans, but someone wishing to make the journey in an inflatable bubble is definitely a new one. However, that’s precisely what one Florida man aimed to do a couple of years. He was apparently desperate to travel from his home state to Bermuda using nothing but this apparatus. The man was physically fit, with his website describing him as an “ultra marathon runner.”

However, while his body might have been in good condition, that didn’t make his plan any less dangerous. Fortunately, a US coast guard caught him and convinced him to return to shore, but not before he ran an impressive seven miles. This was apparently his second year attempting the journey.

Florida Man rips urinal from wall and runs naked into the woods

People can do the strangest things when they’ve had a little too much to drink. One Florida man proved that after he got overly aggressive in a restroom one night. At around 11 pm, he went to do his business and returned several minutes later, soaking wet. The staff at the sports bar were stunned by his appearance and soon realized that he’d ripped a urinal off the wall.

That’s quite an impressive display of strength from someone who was presumably several drinks down by that point. The guy in his 20s followed this strong man act up with a strip show when he peeled off all his clothes and disappeared into the woods. It’s unclear where he ended up.

Florida men, one dressed in bull onesie, attempt to burn down house with Ragu sauce,

If you were trying to rob a house, how would you attempt to cover up the crime? Well, if you’re anything like these two Florida men, you’d try to burn down the evidence with some pasta sauce. One homeowner was very concerned when his security system alerted him to movement on his property. After discovering that one of the cameras had been covered up, he informed the authorities who rushed to the scene.

There, they found two men – one of which was dressed in a bull onesie – attempting to flee. They also discovered a pot of pasta sauce on the stove, and a washcloth dangerously close to the burner. It seems they were trying to commit arson that looked like a cooking accident.

Mop-wearing Florida man looking for eggs ‘terrified entire family’

Going around and asking your neighbors for baking ingredients is such a suburban thing to do. It’s the kind of thing you regularly see on TV, but which doesn’t typically happen in real life. Well, not unless you live in Port St. Lucie. Apparently, one Florida man there has no qualms about asking his neighbors for ingredients. However, it seems that he doesn’t always take the most normal approach when knocking on doors.

According to reports, the man once wore a mop on his head when he went out in search of eggs. His neighbors ended up calling the cops because they couldn’t understand him and were apparently fearful of the man. Maybe he should have thought twice about his attire.

Florida Man Asks Public For Help Looking For His 18-Foot Banana

How hard is it to keep track of an 18-foot banana? Very, according to one Florida man. It seems that he lost one several years ago after showcasing it at the Cardboard Art Festival. When he attempted to take it home, an unexpected storm led to unsafe driving conditions. Unsure what else to do, he sought shelter in a playground hopeful that the rain would let up.

When it didn’t, he was forced to leave his car – and the banana – where it was while he went to work. Unfortunately, when he came back to retrieve his vehicle, the giant piece of fruit was gone. His car was exactly where he’d left it, but it seems someone had stolen his big banana.

Florida man threatened to destroy town with army of turtles

What animals would you want on your side if you were going to take down an entire town? Turtles probably wouldn’t be your first choice, unless, of course, you’re Florida man. One guy from the Sunshine State reportedly threatened to unleash an army of the creatures on Indialantic. The man in his ‘60s didn’t give any reason for why he and his turtles would bring about a reign of terror.

However, he seemed very insistent that they were collectively going to destroy the coastal town. While witnesses weren’t necessarily afraid of the turtles, they were concerned about the lengths that Florida man would go to. So, they called the cops, and he was swiftly arrested for disturbing the peace, among other things.

Florida man caught on camera licking doorbell

Doorbells are typically designed for you to press them with your finger. However, it seems some people aren’t entirely convinced about that. They appear to have other ideas in mind about how to use them, and they involve their tongues. Yes, there are people out there who go around licking doorbells late at night. Given how many fingers – and therefore, germs – touch those things, we wouldn’t want to put our tongues near them.

However, one Florida man feels differently. He was once caught on camera doing the deed in Lake Worth at around six in the morning. The homeowner had no idea what he was doing at her house, but apparently, this wasn’t the man’s first run-in with the police.

Florida Man Shoved Woman Because He Wanted Egg Rolls

Florida men get themselves in trouble for the craziest things. One guy from Milton once got himself arrested because a woman wouldn’t let him eat egg rolls in her house. It sounds like a bizarre scenario, right? Apparently, it all started when he showed up to her house one night, having had a fair amount to drink.

He kept ringing the doorbell and demanding to be let in, despite the woman’s insistence that she wasn’t going to let that happen. It seems that the egg rolls were actually inside the home because she reportedly told him that she’d bring them to the door. However, when she opened up, he shoved her aside and went in. Unsurprisingly, the police soon got involved.

Florida man slapped with Big Mouth Billy Bass singing fish

If you’ve ever seen a Big Mouth Billy Bass in person, you can probably understand why people find it annoying. After listening to it a few times, it gets boring very quickly. It’s no wonder, then, that one Florida man decided to lash out after it was getting on his nerves. Apparently, someone was playing with it purely to aggravate him, so he went ahead and dumped it in the trash.

After that person realized what had happened, he reclaimed it and threw it at the man. Supposedly, it wasn’t meant to hit him, but it ended up catching him on the eyebrow. These fish aren’t known for being violent, but it seems they can pack a punch when they want to.

Florida man robs store dressed as Spiderman

Superheroes are meant to go around making the world a better place. Unfortunately, it seems like Spider-Man’s had a change of heart recently. One Florida man opted to dress up as the masked superhero when he went to rob a store in Casselberry. The criminal probably figured that no-one would recognize him if he was in disguise. Unfortunately, hiding your face only works if your robbery is a success.

Things didn’t quite work out that way for this Florida man who was soon arrested for stealing over $450 worth of products. This apparently wasn’t the first time that he’d committed a crime, although the Spider-Man mask was seemingly a new thing. We doubt he’ll be trying that tactic ever again.

Florida man tries to rob store to prove to his mother he’s independent

Although parents usually have good intentions, there comes a time when they need to step back and let their kids flourish as adults. They might not want to let go, but they don’t have a choice. Holding on for too long could lead to problems like the one faced by this Florida man.

It seems he wanted to show his mom that he was “independent” and didn’t need her looking after him anymore. Unfortunately, he went about proving that in the worst possible way. The 23-year-old ended up getting arrested for attempted robbery, battery, and fleeing the crime scene after holding up a gas station. Once the cops caught him, he revealed his need for independence as his apparent motive.

Florida man goes to jail for attacking man in ‘Minions’ costume

When Despicable Me first came out, we never expected it to become quite the success story that it was. It’s now produced multiple sequels and spin-offs, with the film’s minions undeniably the biggest thing to come out of the franchise. Of course, the immense popularity of these yellow creatures has caused a massive divide amongst the public. One group of people love them, while the rest detest them.

This Florida man was evidently in the latter category after he attacked a disabled man who was dressed up as one of the characters. The self-proclaimed social media star responsible was supposedly trying to make a viral video out of his assault, but all it did was get him in trouble with the law.

Florida Man Had Daughter Sell Illegal Brownies At School

If you have children, then you’ve almost definitely been asked to contribute to a bake sale at some point. They’re popular events at school, which help raise money while giving people an excuse to gorge themselves on sweet treats.

Obviously, not every parent is an expert when it comes to baking, but most moms and dads know what not to put in their tasty creations. Well, all except one Florida man who decided that certain illegal substances were perfect for the brownies at his daughter’s bake sale. After several students fell ill, it didn’t take long for authorities to realize what had caused the issue. As a result, the father was arrested and later released on a $62,500 bond.

Florida man calls 911 for ride to Hooters

Don’t you just hate it when you need a ride somewhere, but there’s no-one around to help you out? One Florida man knows that pain, which is why he turned to the authorities to assist him with his troubles. He was apparently so desperate to go to Hooters that he reportedly called 911 to get a ride. Of course, the emergency services don’t just go around offering taxi services for anyone who needs them.

So, he made up a lie that his grandmother had suffered a stroke in the restaurant’s parking lot. After three hours of searching, the cops realized that the man was lying, so they arrested him for improper use of the emergency calling system. Hopefully, he learned his lesson.

Easter Bunny beats up Florida man

Don’t mess with the Easter bunny – he’s a lot more vicious than he seems. That’s judging by an incident that happened in Orlando when a Florida man in a bunny suit punched someone outside a nightclub. Supposedly, the guy in fancy dress was bar-hopping with his friends when he noticed a dispute between a man and a woman. Wanting to be the knight in shining armor, he swooped in and lashed out at the guy.

Apparently, he was spitting at the woman and hitting her, so onlookers didn’t stop Florida man from getting involved. However, it appears the vigilante bunny might not as heroic as everyone thought. It seems he’s racked up quite a few crimes over in New Jersey.

Florida man arrested for throwing hot dogs at store clerk

There are some things that work great as weapons, and some things that definitely don’t. We’d say that hot dogs probably fit into the latter category, although we still wouldn’t want to be pelted with them at work. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened to one gas station clerk after she refused to sell a Florida man a drink.

It seems that the customer was desperate for the beverage, but presumably, the woman felt he’d already had one too many. She wouldn’t give him what he wanted, so he got his revenge by throwing food at her. During the assault, he chucked hot dogs at the clerk, as well as poking her with a corn dog stick. This earned him time behind bars.

Florida man accuses dog of shooting girlfriend in leg

It’s amazing the things that dogs can do. You might not realize it, but these creatures are actually a lot smarter than people give them credit for. You can teach them to do almost anything, including apparently shooting a gun. That’s according to a Florida man, anyway, who states that his pet pooch was responsible for accidentally shooting his girlfriend.

Supposedly, the animal jumped up on the nightstand where the weapon was and set it off. The resulting shot caught the woman in the leg, resulting in her needing medical assistance. Although she wasn’t badly injured, she was in no mood to discuss what had happened with the police. Presumably, she didn’t see anything given she was asleep at the time.

Florida Man Reportedly Dances On Police Car To Summon Help In Vampire Battle

Vampires are classic horror movie villains. These creatures have been haunting films for decades, and their legacy goes back centuries. Of course, most people know that vampires only exist in fiction. There’s no chance of them coming to life and attacking you, no matter how much glitter Robert Pattinson covers himself in. Unfortunately, it seems one Florida man isn’t aware that these creatures don’t exist.

That’s why he jumped on a police cruiser and spent six minutes dancing on the car. When asked what had spurred him to do this, he revealed that he’d apparently been threatened by vampires. Obviously, the cops weren’t entirely convinced by his story, and they weren’t too thrilled about the damage that he did to their vehicle.

Florida Man Breaks Into Crocodile Enclosure, Leaves Behind A Pair Of Crocs

If you were to go to a crocodile enclosure one morning and discover clothes in the water and a trail of blood, you’d probably be concerned. The evidence would almost conclusively suggest that someone had become the animal’s dinner overnight. That’s certainly what the staff at Alligator Farm Zoological Park in St. Augustine assumed when they found this stuff in one of their enclosures.

Thankfully, the police soon discovered that no-one had become crocodile chow. Instead, a Florida man had snuck into the enclosure and repeatedly jumped in the water, despite the potential threat of the animals. He continued doing this until one of the crocodiles bit him, leading the trespasser to fight them off and flee the scene nude.

Florida man leads officers on chase through golf course

Chase scenes are a regular thing in action movies, and you might be surprised by how frequently they occur in real life. Of course, usually, these things happen on the road, and not on a golf course. That wasn’t the case in early 2019, though, when the cops pursued one driver through the Orange Blossom Hills Golf and Country Club.

The incident occurred after a Florida man stole a Community Watch vehicle claiming that “people were eating his brains out.” Clearly, that wasn’t the case, but that didn’t stop him from commandeering the SUV and proceeding to drive through people’s backyards. Eventually, he ended up on the golf course before heading into town, which was where the cops finally apprehended him.

Florida man rescues grandma floating away on ice throne

It’s nice to know that sometimes Florida man can be a hero, rather than a criminal. That was the case during a visit to Iceland when one resident from the Sunshine State helped an older woman who nearly drifted out to see. It seems that the grandmother had opted to sit on an ice throne in Jökulsárlón after seeing other tourists do it.

She never imagined that the ice would be unstable, but when a massive wave struck, it began floating away. Fortunately, Florida man was on a boat nearby when he noticed the woman’s predicament. He was able to rescue her before she came to any harm, something that both she and her family definitely appreciated. The woman was incredibly lucky.

Florida Man Breaks Guy’s Nose For Not Moving Out Of The Way For Wedding Photos

When it comes to getting married, most people want everything to go perfectly. You don’t typically plan for anything to go wrong on your big day, although stuff like that usually happens regardless. There’s so much you have to consider with a wedding that it’s inevitable something will mess up. Of course, these problems don’t usually result in the groom getting arrested.

Unfortunately, that’s precisely what happened for one Florida man after someone refused to move for the happy couple’s wedding photos. The groom became incensed when the other man wouldn’t stop blocking their shots, so he ended up punching the guy in the face. This resulted in him actually missing his wedding because he was in jail for aggravated battery.

Florida man fakes robbery to get out of Hardee’s shift

People will come up with all sorts of excuses to get out of going to work. When you hate your job, the last thing you want to do is put in the effort to show up every day. Unfortunately, unless you have a good excuse, you’ve no choice but to go in and deal with the daily grind.

One Florida man was tired of doing that, though, so he reported a crime to 911 in the hope he could get out of his job at Hardee’s. According to the report he filed, two armed men robbed him while he was at an intersection off Highway 27. Of course, this was a lie, and the cops quickly called him out on it.

Florida man finds iguana in toilet, calls 911

No-one wants to go to the bathroom and find that there’s something in the toilet that shouldn’t be there. It’s bad enough when people forget to flush, and you have to deal with it yourself. However, it’s another thing entirely when you encounter a living creature in there. You might be surprised by the kind of animals that can wander up the pipes, including snakes, rats, and apparently iguanas.

The last one was discovered in a Fort Lauderdale toilet in early 2019 when a Florida man went to use his bathroom. Stunned by the discovery, he reportedly called the fire department who swiftly arrived and dealt with the problem. We expect the man was grateful to have an animal-free toilet once again.

40-Year-Old Florida Man Dances To Post Malone’s Wow

More often than not, when there’s a Florida Man story in the news, it’s about something negative. However, that’s not always the case. It certainly wasn’t when someone from Jacksonville got his name in the press after dancing to a Post Malone song. It seems this Florida man was a massive fan of the rapper, and he was filmed dancing along to his hit, “Wow.”

The guy’s incredible moves quickly went viral, with thousands of people liking, sharing, and commenting on the video. Even the likes of Will Smith got behind the clip, although his response was nothing compared to Post Malone’s. The rapper was so impressed that he invited the Florida man to dance onstage at one of his concerts.

Am I Florida Man?

Ever since the Florida Man meme became popular, people have been searching the internet to find out what this guy has been getting up to. Tales of his bizarre encounters have become almost a daily occurrence, mainly because Florida has fewer restrictions when it comes to journalism. It’s a lot easier for people to learn about what’s been happening in the Sunshine State than most other parts of the US.

Now that the meme has been around for over half a decade, people have started searching Google to see which Florida Man they are. Apparently, this involves putting in your birthday to discover which of the many headlines comes up. Funnily enough, this has been quite popular with the men in Florida.